Once upon a time, I had a dream job with an abusive boss. Actually, twice upon a time I had that, but let’s focus on just the once.
A situation occurred where my boss quite inappropriately publicly shamed me and someone who is very close to me took it upon herself to tell him off.
I lost said job.
And I was ready to cut this person out of my life. But I didn’t. It took everything I had within me, but I didn’t.
Fact is: people are going to hurt you. They just are.
But, honestly speaking, I can’t think of a single grudge that I hold against any human being. I can’t think of a single person whom I would not forgive their behaviors if they just asked. Or, for the most part, even if they didn’t ask.
Am I a big person? Maybe.
But more than that, I am a person. And that means that not only have I been hurt, but I have hurt others. Usually inadvertently.
You know how bad it feels when you know you hurt someone–especially unintentionally–and they just won’t let it go?
Here’s the thing: no one is perfect. Not even you.
It is so easy to hold anger against others, and yet feel indignant when someone else holds anger against you. Why is that?
Because you know the intention behind your actions. You don’t know anyone else’s. So, in your mind, your accidental behaviors are no longer on par with someone else’s seemingly intentional ones.
We lose sight of the fact that every single person is trying his or her best at every minute of every day. Sometimes actions are misguided. Sometimes they backfire.
Next time that someone’s behaviors really hurt you, ask this: what was the intention behind that person’s action? And, even harder: what role did you play in provoking it?
And if, by chance, you are someone who hopes your most sincere apologies will be accepted…extend the same grace to others. Give them the benefit of the doubt that no matter how much you are hurting, it will always feel better to let that stuff go.